all the very best of us string ourselves up for love

>> Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What to do when your friend gets engaged and you think it's a terrible fucking idea?

You don't just think. You know. You and everyone else in the whole world.

I don't know. You do nothing, I guess.

A friend I worked with a few summers ago got engaged to someone she had been dating only a few months. I thought it was impulsive, which can be kind of romantic I guess, but in this particular case I really didn't think they knew each other well enough to go and get married. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to offer my opinion and we weren't very close anyway, so I kept it to myself. So I was happy for her and every day at work we chatted about wedding plans. They never got married - the wedding was called off and the relationship ended. I think everyone figured that was for the best. I think she's happy now. But...what if she'd gone through with it?

I guess part of it is that it's useful for people to make their own mistakes. Part of it is knowing that you can't know how things will turn out. A lot of it respect for your friend and trusting them to make their own decisions. And the rest is understanding that it's always easiest to make the right decision when you're not the one who has to make it.

Everyone does really stupid things in relationships, even when they know better. Like, if someone else were to do the exact same thing you'd be like, "girl you crazy, drop him like he's hot" (my inner voice is a sassy black woman). But when it's you...you go off and do it anyway, don't you? I used to be really harsh in judging people on these things until I started making some seriously foolish choices of my own.

I still don't always get it in every case, but I get it in theory. Mostly. I still judge a bit.

At least I haven't started taking bets on how long other people's relationships will last.

Here's one for the lovers, no matter how stupid I might think you are (and what do I know, anyway?):
The Magnetic Fields - The Book of Love

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this here ma blog.

I like to talk about things I have no particular expertise in. Especially music.

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